Rather than terminate the pregnancy, the Savages have decided to act as a surrogate. The other couple, Shannon and Paul Morell, who are parents of 2-and-a-half-year-old twin girls, were considering having a third child using their frozen embryos. Then the clinic called.

“It’s just the oddest feeling to have somebody else carrying your child because, as a parent, you want to do everything possible to protect your child,” Shannon Morell said during an interview Wednesday on the Today show. ”We were totally powerless and out of control. Even though we were grateful, it was just a terrible feeling.”

Of course, this shocking story struck a chord and raised lots of questions among those in our community who are trying to conceive. Could you be as courageous as the Savages and give up the child? Some said no.

“This is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but depending on how early in my pregnancy I found out, I would actually terminate and have IVF repeated. I know I couldn’t handle giving up a child I’d carried to term and I also know that it wouldn’t be right to keep these people’s bio-child if it were going to cause the other couple strife.” — smiling2007

“Why do they have to give it back? It is not their error; it’s the clinic’s… I applaud their honesty and courage but if this happened to me, I’m not sure I would just hand the baby over.” — dolcib

The Savages, who have three children, were trying for a fourth. This swayed some opinions:

“I can’t even put myself into their shoes. The only thing that can even slightly make the situation better (and I mean only a fraction of a percentage) is at least they already have three children. If this happened to one of us [TTC - Your First Child] than it would be worse [in my opinion]. When I initially heard the situation I thought how horrible for them to have to give up this child, but then I had to put myself in the shoes of the real parents. They could be any one of us just praying for their first child, and somewhere along the line fate stepped in and brought them their child via surrogate.” — cheshireliz

“It was bad that this mistake happened. But I find myself not feeling as bad for the pregnant woman as I thought I’d be. After all, she has all the kids she wants; she just feels that she can’t just discard the remaining embryos.” — witzz

And many simply applauded the couple for their decision:

“I found the couple so inspiring. They are taking a nightmare of a situation and dealing with such grace and compassion. I so hope she can get pregnant with a gestational carrier. It will never change what happened, but man, they deserve it!” — adav75

“I can’t begin to imagine how upsetting that must have been to discover. I admire them for deciding to act as a surrogate for the other couple.” — sweetsoil

What would you do? Terminate the pregnancy? Fight for joint custody? Hand over the baby?

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That is taking things a little too far. I will be glad if that thing never hits the US. I don’t have any problem with breastfeeding, heck I’ll do it right there in front of anyone. But it is not right to go to such lengths with dolls. It should all start at home.  — angelbabies2008

Very weird! I wouldn’t buy it and I would not want it as a gift either. — xmansmama4l

I’m definitely pro-breastfeeding but it is sort of strange. I could understand not wanting to supply every baby sold at Walmart with a plastic bottle to come with it (having little girls make the connection of baby = bottle). — eseirup

The bra thing kind of weirds me out a little… but then again, I really don’t like dolls that ‘DO’ much of anything. I’ve had to do a lot of searching on the toy shelves to find a doll that doesn’t talk/cry/pee/poop/move/etc. I much prefer that [my daughter] uses her imagination instead.  — caremore37

One word: creepy. I understand the concept, it’s just a little much. I would not buy something like this. — tryin2understand

Other moms applaud the idea and might be potential buyers if the doll becomes available outside of Spain:

I think it’s great! If they end up selling it in Canada, I’ll for sure buy it. It’s cute, and I love the whole concept. — asheo

I think it is great that there is finally a doll that doesn’t come equipped with a bottle or a pacifier. My kiddo breastfeeds his stuffed animals though so I do not see a point in purchasing it, other than simply supporting the idea but anything that promotes breastfeeding as normal in our society is a good thing.  — lovemymunkaman

iVillager cathimac‘s comment sums up what many are saying about Bebe Gloton:

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The topic of nudity and kids has also been a subject of debate on our message boards, from concerns over “how old is too old?” and whether nudity in children is more acceptable for boys than girls. Some moms share their observations:

I think you will be able to tell when your child is
becoming conscious of their body and is embarrassed by what you are
doing. As for Jacob, he would be content to run around naked outside
and in public all day – I have trouble keeping clothes on him.  — cl-babyjakes

I think that once kids start walking, being naked in
public isn’t OK anymore. Aside from the quick diaper change, that is. I usually try to keep [my daughter] out of eyesight when I have to change her
in public, too. And even when we are at home
and she wants to go to the back yard naked or in her panties I make her
put clothes on. — bellabunnysmama

[My son] spends a lot of time naked due to [potty training], but when someone
comes over that isn’t a very close friend, we put something on him. In
ones home is completely different than in public imho. — christinaone

 . 
Since it is beach and pool season, some moms are also concerned about privacy, as tots often make any beach a nude beach. This iVillager makes an interesting point about a more public world:

I see little ones buck naked on the beach all the
time, I think if my kids were babies again, I would not do it in a
public beach.  Home in the backyard yes! We didn’t grow up with YouTube
or electronic porn, so now you have to be proactive in
protecting yourself.  – michiganmotormom

Another mom shares her “been there, done that” experience:

All I can say is that it is a good thing that I
don’t have a problem with small children being naked.  [My daughter], at age 3,
stripped naked at a friend’s birthday party because they had a kiddie
pool there and she didn’t have a swimsuit. 

That said, I have had to make a rule about them being naked in the
backyard.  I think [my daughter] was about 7 years old when I started telling her
not to be naked in the backyard, but really got firm about it by the
time she was 8. She’s completely comfortable in her own skin and just
has no idea that anyone could look at her in an inappropriate way but
certainly, at age 9, it’s more than time for her to start understanding
modesty. — elisedf

The seemingly simple act of being naked brings up a lot of questions in the parenting realm — namely, how do we encourage our kids to be comfortable with their bodies while protecting their privacy and making sure they don’t perform their latest striptease in the middle of the mall food court? Are we as a society too freaked out by nudity in general? We’d love to hear your thoughts on these little streakers — especially if you have one at home! Do you think it’s something to worry about or really no big deal?

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Love her or hate her, Sarah Palin is here to stay, and following her surprise resignation as Alaska’s governor on Friday afternoon, the question is how exactly she’ll be sticking around.

In what was largely perceived as a rambling speech –  “I was certainly stunned when I heard the news and I’m still not 100 percent certain what her reasons were for resigning early,” said iVillager wallejos — Palin hinted that she may be quitting politics entirely (“You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity,”) but a beat later went on to say “productive, fulfilled people determine where to put their efforts, choosing to wisely utilize precious time to build up,” which seems to hint at a possible run for president in 2012.

One has to wonder if Palin even knows what’s next, but that doesn’t stop us from speculating.

“I may really be off base here, but I don’t think she will even try to run [in 2012],” says iVillage member jbgattuso2007. “I actually believe that she is ‘out’ of politics in the title sense. Again, may come back to bite me, just a feeling I’ve got.”

After her failed bid for the nation’s VP post, there was chatter of a Sarah Palin talk show. Could she be the next Oprah? She majored in journalism in college; perhaps Fox is looking for a female counterpart to Bill O’Reilly?

“She probably can do more to make more money for her family outside of government,” says iVillager mombitsey. “She can get a book deal. [Ed: She already did.] She can repackage herself. Maybe she could become the next Ann Coulter.”

Could she be the next Ann Coulter, a new spokeswoman for brunette republicans? Or Maybe she’ll get all “new media” on us and establish the next GOOP (SOOP?) where we’ll get to hear about her preferred places to buy cute Naughty Monkey pumps and her tips to increase running speed.

In the end, no matter what path she chooses — no matter how serious or silly — iVillager sionainncaitlin seemed to sum up our community’s reaction best: “Crap! Now I’m sure we’ll see even more of her than ever before.”

See what else they’re saying on our Politics Today message board.

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But will his wife be calling her divorce lawyers? In a statement last Wednesday , Jenny Sanford, the governor’s wife of 20 years, explained why she kicked her husband out of the house, after they had sought counseling: “We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong.”

Her bold decision and honesty struck a chord with our community, especially the Betrayed Spouses Support message board. “It’s refreshing that instead of keeping her mouth shut and reading some b—s—statement that was prepared by her husband’s staff she’s saying things that we’ve all felt. For once there’s truth in the words of someone whose betrayal has been made public.”—thinkingman6008

For the Sake of the Kids

At the moment, the Sanfords are separated, but both have said that they are willing to reconcile, which frustrated some on the Feminism Today message board.

“The Clinton thing was huge, but honestly he’s looking like a boy scout to me in comparison with these latest scandals. Am I the only person who can’t wait for the day when one of these women decides to tell her husband to go pound sand and that he better have a good divorce attorney?—mookie1973

She may decide to stay with her husband for the sake of their four sons, as member hottllipps points out: “Sometimes, I think women choose to keep their friends close but their enemies closer, when the enemy would have considerable influence over their children. I do not know that is what she is doing, but it is a consideration.”

And clearly her kids are her priority. “His career is not a concern of mine,” Jenny told reporters. “He’s going to have to worry about that. I’m worried about my family and the character of my children.”

Vote for Jenny?

If she does decide to ditch the cheating husband and start her own political career, she’s got at least one vote. “She has family money, political savvy, and had a very successful career before having children. And she’s also drop-dead gorgeous. So maybe she’ll be the one who doesn’t stay in the marriage. I think that she would be a very viable political candidate herself.”—tricia8195

What do you think? Should Jenny and Mark Sanford reconcile? Or are his actions unforgivable?

More on infidelity:

• 32 emotional signs that he’s cheating

• Top 12 myths about cheating

• 19 tips to get past your husband’s affair

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“Barbie, her siblings and Ken played a huge part in my growing up years. I think I played with Barbies until the 6th grade. My girlfriends and I loved creating fantasy stories. My grandmother had the original Barbie created 50 years ago – still in the original box. She created and made us incredible Barbie outfits.” — okiee

“Love, LOVE, Loved my Barbies. Had a bunch of them and a ton of clothes. Sadly, I never got the Barbie dream house:(  But my friend had it, so it was all good  ” — crit99

“I know as a kid that my Barbie dolls were fun to play with because of the adventures my friends and I made up for them, and I liked the clothes. I liked making my own outfits for my Barbies.  [My daughter] played with Barbies and I haven’t seen any damage to her self image, nor have I noticed that she’s more self-confident due to having played with them.” — ikirbysmom

 

iVillager nancymc offers her perspective, which I suspect may be familiar to a lot of moms:

“Well, this topic is one that makes me chuckle a bit, because it is an area in which *I* have evolved as a parent! I was one of those NO BARBIE parents, I resisted, hated, avoided, and otherwise thought they were evil and horrible (well, not evil, but creepy definitely!).  But of course my [daughter] got Barbies. Many, many of them over time. She never played with them in any major way, and she’s given them all away long ago. I’m still not in love with them but I don’t see them as harmful either.”

Of course, like many famous female icons, Barbie’s life has not been without controversy. Even at 50, she’s still making headlines: this time reincarnating as a trendy tattoo gal, “Totally Stylin’ Tattoo Barbie”. While some may think a tattooed Babs is sending the wrong message to kids, others point out that a tattoo isn’t such a taboo as it might have been in years past. The ladies on the Parenting Issues Debate message board weigh in on this tat-tastic doll:

“Wow! they finally came out with a Barbie that my [daughter] (who is now 27) would actually like!” — foxymom2

“If she were currently in the Barbie stage, if she wanted one, I’d likely get it for her – so many of our friends and acquaintances, both male and female have tattoos, it’s not as unacceptable as it used to be.” — bunnierose

“Barbie has always been an edgy role model and this seems appropriate for this generation. If the body mass index of, say, 12, doesn’t tick off the parents, then let’s try a big ol’ butterfly tattoo right on her hiney!” — ashmama

Finally, you’re no one until someone tries to outlaw you… Lawmakers in West Virginia proposed a bill that would outlaw sales of Mattel’s darling diva. iVillagers on In the News take a vote on this measure:

How our legislators love to waste their time and our money! Eyeroll. There’s a lot more wrong in our society that still brainwashes children with old patriarchal sexist roles, from when our children are born. Color of clothes, blankets, paint and cartoons on nursery walls. It only gets worse as kids grow, with the toys they are bought, the clothes we dress them in, yada yada, yada. The movies and cartoons and even magazines, and books that drive the message home: girls do these things, boys do these. Legislating banning Barbie will hardly correct the skewed mess.” — gypsywolfwoman 

“I think we have a LOT more in society influencing our daughter’s about their looks than Barbie. We don’t even watch TV, and I am far from a fashion plate, and yet my daughter is very fashion consious. She picks it up simply by observing the people around us when we are out in public. This politician should put his energy towards getting mandatory parenting or self esteem classes going instead of worrying about Barbie.” — hottlipps 

So what are your thoughts on Barbie’s birthday? Are you a Barbie fan or do you think she needs to retire? Share your thoughts on this week’s Barbie news and your memories with us.

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 ”I’ve noticed many bottles stamped BPA free. There also seems to be a LOT of glass bottles out that I don’t remember seeing before.” — gapeachpc

“Last year when the scandal came out a lot of companies were super fast to respond to the new demand for the BPA-free bottles. Babies R Us wouldn’t even carry bottles that contained it. I think it’s great that companies are really taking stuff like this seriously.”  — eeyorezchick 

“I wonder if other brands in other countries will follow as well. I was in Switzerland last July and watching a consumer rights show and there was something about baby bottles, and not a SINGLE one available on the market in Switzerland is Bisphenol free! The only one that passed the test were glass bottles but glass isn’t always convenient to carry around.” — cynhaller

“With my daughter there was no mention about BPA, so we have regular Avent bottles. But that was 2 1/2 years ago and I personally feel better with the BPA-free bottles. I just don’t want to take any chances.” — laurspt01

Some moms, though, are wondering how we’ve survived so far using plastics with the now-verboten chemical. Are we being overly-cautious or better safe than sorry? Sound off here and let us know how concerned you are about plastics and chemicals in your home. 

Related content:

Controversial Chemical Lingers in Body
Message board: Bottlefeeding

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“I kind of feel like she’s being a bit over the top. I
realize that her husband’s job probably doesn’t allow for him to stay
at home with the kids, but when she signed her original contract with
the army she knew this was a possibility. There are lots of military
families where both parents work and they find suitable care for their
children.” — bradsarmybride

“People are doing this every day. Parents are leaving
their children behind. Families are having to utilize daycare because
both parents work. She knew, when she signed that dotted line, that
this was a possibility, so IMO she should not have special privileges
just because her DH works. If she’s called up, she’s called up.” — mom2wakjlar

“She went public knowing it would cause a whole lot
of controversy and put a lot of pressure on the military to ‘do the
right thing’. What irritates me even more is that while there are 30% of the IRR
that have been able to get out of duty.  No one is mentioning the 70%
that sucked it up and are completing their commitment as agreed when
they initially signed on the dotted line.” — izzyandalexsmommy

But others feel that this is one case where the Army should side with the family:

“I feel like she’s already done her duty. She should
win her appeal. The fact of the matter is, she has no one to watch
their children without causing financial strain on their family. If she
gets deployed and the husband quits his job to take care of the
children, is the Army going to help him find a job when she returns?” — cl-amermae

“I know that many people say ‘a contract is a
contract’, but the Army sure does get what it wants regardless of what
the contract says. The Army will fight and find loopholes to get what
they need from soldiers, why can’t we stick up for ourselves and do the
same?” — tybee2004

iVillager ma-girl-at-heart wonders if this has bigger implications for women in the military:

“I think she is ridiculous. Fathers are called back as well and they
don’t make a crazy stink about the mother having to quit her job. If
she didn’t like IRR as part of her contract she should never have
joined. Women strive everyday to be taken seriously and treated
equally in the military and then women like this one come along and
knock the rest of them back a few years.”

This
is obviously a big debate that hits home with those living the military
life — what do you think is the best solution for cases like these?

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“I follow the ‘Britney Spears’ rule as I call it, which basically means if it sounds similar to something she has done then I’m not doing it!”

For more chatter on this outrageous parenting stunt, join us on the Breastmilk vs. Formula Debate message board.

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“My thought, when he laid out plan after plan of massive spending projects and then followed up with how he was going to cut the deficit, was ‘HOW???’ I just don’t see how he can say he’s going to spend all this money on top of the stimulus plan and still be able to cut the deficit. It just doesn’t seem possible.” — gal_lila

Ok, so you might expect a certain amount of resistance from those on the other side of the aisle, but confusion about the stimulus plan and wariness about Obama’s address also permeated the comments of those who were still hopeful. Moms from our September 2005 and March 2008 playgroups weighed in with their thoughts — and concerns — about the stimulus plan: 

“I was/am a huge Obama supporter … I think some stimulus to save certain jobs (police, teachers, etc)  is good, but I don’t think each family should get $400 per working parent and I don’t think that people who bought houses who shouldn’t have should be bailed out.” –doodlebug_home

“I find it very ironic that part of the current crisis was brought about by people (lenders and home buyers) who rushed to loan/borrow money without a proper understanding of what they were getting themselves into and what it meant, both for the immediate and for the future. But … the supposed fix is being done the exact same way: rushed through [without] being properly read and examined.” — sacake

“People were so easily swayed into believing they could have it all, with no thought of the long term. People did know this was going to collapse, and yet a blind eye was turned for profit.” –luvmybaby111

“I hated what Obama said last night. I loathe big government and want to see a free market correct itself but we are almost to the point of no return. I am not sad for myself but rather for my children who will get to pay for our mistakes. That is all I am going to say because I am so fired up about this issue! “ – lorraine_jmk

“I really believe he is going to do his best to make sure this country is truly great again. He is such a positive and motivational speaker. — mumzie2four

“He’s received a lot of flak lately for not being positive enough during this difficult economic time. I believe he has tried to turn that tone around. I do have to say I disagree with probably 98% of his *plan*.” — cl-joyleft2

In our Worker’s Comp and SSDI Support community jajadamom wonders just how the economic stimulus is going to help her family:

“How about the people who paid our bills on time and paid off our mortgages … we don’t get anything? I think $13 won’t go far when my husband’s hours were cut by 1 day.”

Others react:

“What about those of us that struggle to get our mortgage paid and we’re not behind in payments? And I haven’t heard anything about families. What about us single mothers? People are not going to pour this money back into the economy because their retirements are suffering. People will be thinking long term. What will we live off of when we do retire?” — honeygoddess2005

“If the bank was doing its job they wouldn’t have issued high-risk loans. I get furious that we have to pick up the pieces of these huge banks for taking such horrible risk.” — cl-phillymawmaw

It seems that while many want to be hopeful about financial recovery, there is still a lot of confusion and even anger about the situation — and the proposed solutions. Let’s just hope we don’t have to prove our understanding of economic theory to get a piece of the pie. 

Of course, this is just one sliver from all of the comments out there. What are your thoughts following the president’s Tuesday night address? How do you think the stimulus will affect you or your community? Or do you think it’s the right approach. Sound off here and share your reactions.  

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“As it is, there are all sorts of other budget cuts, but this possible new schedule is beginning to flash in neon lights. The kids are in school about 6 hours a day ,if the 4 day schedule goes through they would be in school an additional 1 hour and 15 minutes.”  – jennebryan

“I could see how this could cause huge problems for families that don’t have the flexibility that we have. It could be a drain on finances and add stress to those that need to arrange child care. I don’t have a problem with it, but I also think if changes like that are to be implemented, more after-school care needs to be provided or employers need to pick up the slack. We need to improve that sector of American society.” — kw135705

“Parents are going to need to find child care. The kids who are older have more time to get into trouble. There are kids hanging [out] with nothing to do. My kids would probably just veg but some kids would be home alone. It can only be a bad thing. – lisa19712003

“As a teacher, I am not in favor of it. My day is already long enough, and I don’t know how I would get through the additional hour or two everyday. I give my students my all for 5 hours a day (plus I have 2 hours of planning/duty), and it would be very difficult to provide meaningful instruction for an additional 1-2 hours a day. I also believe my students (low level) would have trouble focusing and learning.  I believe it’s the students who will suffer in the end.  Anyone who lives in this state knows that we need to ADD money, resources, and programs – not take away.” — lovingmytwoboys

“Moving to a 4 day week bothers me a lot. The day would be way too long for elementary kids. Plus, that is a huge burden on parents who work. Where are they supposed to find all day care for their kids just on Fridays? How is a working class parent supposed to pay for that?” — addieandclairesmom

 

“The fact is, pretty much all public schools are going to have to make serious cuts in the next year or so, and everybody with kids is going to feel the pinch. Our school district has just proposed cutting about 100 teaching positions (probably all through attrition rather than pink slips), eliminating middle and high school late buses, and reassigning gifted program paras.”  — pkuu

“Our school has gone from having 200 kids and plenty of spare space to 400 kids and bursting at the seams in the space of about 10 years. The other schools in the area have had similar surges in children and have also had to stop taking ‘out of area’ children.”  — true.blue.strine

“If a community has schools running well below capacity, and can’t afford to run all the facilities, I do agree that consolidating makes sense. While small schools can be great, they can also be a luxury.” – andovermom

“They are doing the same thing in the county I used to live in, which is notorious for schools that don’t perform well. Now the kids are going to be in larger classrooms, more crowding, less attention from already overworked teachers. Just spells disaster.” — twinmommyplus2

The education system has always suffered to some extent due to lack of funds, but how will the recession put the squeeze on our schools? Are school districts in your area being affected by economic effects and are you expecting the stimulus to help the situation? Share your opinions and experiences here with us!

Related: Parenting Advice from Momtourage, Education Resources, School and Learning Message Boards

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“Never in a million years! I feel awful for those children of hers because there is no way that a single parent can provide the love, support, psychological/physiological needs that those children need. I’m sorry to say, the taxpayers of California where she lives will have to pick up the bill like they probably have started to already, seeing the cost of having those kids is in the millions.”  — lulu1231

“The only dollar I will contribute will be towards removing that woman’s uterus. Of course, I do worry about those 14 children. I believe it will just be a matter of time before some of the children are removed from her care. I also worry about her being ‘rewarded’ for her deplorable choices. There are already offers to build her and her brood a suitable home, a full supply of diapers, breast milk, etc. Eventually, the novelty will wear off, and she will be facing a grim reality.” — mckeekitty

“As a California and Federal Government taxpayer I would rather her community rally together and ante up than burden the taxpayer with paying the tab for her litter. The fact remains she isn’t going to be able to pay her bills and will rely on local, State and Federal Government, plus corporate America and her local community.” — cg108

“I have a different take on this. Although I think she has issues and is not capable of caring properly for her 14 children, I still think that it is in the children’s best interest that they get the money they need to be taken care of. Is it their fault that their mother is a lunatic? Are we going to begrudge her innocent children the money and opportunity they desperately need because we are all outraged by the mother?” — abigailnh2

“No, she does not need our help, the poor babies need our help. The best way to help the children is to get them out of the care of a mother who is not only crazy, but clearly does not have the resources to take care of *14* children under the age of 6. They should be adopted by some of the loving families that are longing for children, and thus get the love and attention they deserve rather than being little cash machines for their psycho mother. There is no way the taxpayers should have to pay to keep this kids in such a dysfunctional home.” — marzydoats

So it doesn’t look like many iVillagers are ready to pitch in with their Paypal accounts to help the Suleman brood. Where do you stand on this controversy? Is this an outrage or is it overblown and no one’s business? Chime in with your thoughts here and if you really can’t get enough Octomom coverage, check out these related features: She’s a $uper Freak and Slideshow: The Cost of Being Nadya Suleman

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I Want Your … Text?

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One of the best things about getting together with your girlfriends is that they can almost always help you find the bright spot, the silver lining, and the humor of any situation. The iVillage community works the same way, as is evident by the conversations on the Surviving Divorce & Separation message board week in and week out. I loved the discussion they had recently about the three best things about being divorced or separated. Topping almost everyone’s list is — divorcing the in-laws along with the ex-husband! Here are some of my other favorites:

butterfli_beauty is glad to be rid of her ex-and his fantasy football craziness!

musiclover12 Is happy to scratch his errands off her to-do list!

tbzmom2008 has reconnected with the people who really care for her, and love her

camult has one of my favorites — she’s regained the ability to laugh out loud — and who doesn’t need more of that in our lives?

hopeful_mom_of_4 loves not having to pick up his empty beer bottles — yes, empty beer bottles — from the counter in the morning.

Even if you’re not dealing with divorce or separation, sometimes we all need to stop and list our top three things, so what are yours? What three things are you happy about in your life right now?

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