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Hutchinson, 21, was arrested at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah, GA for missing the flight, and was briefly jailed. Her attorney stated that Hutchinson refused her orders when her only family—her mother—became unable to care for the child while she was away. A superior officer allegedly told Hutchinson that she would have to deploy anyway and that her son would be put into foster care.

Our Military Wives board has been buzzing about this story. Most expressed compassion for Hutchinson’s situation, but some thought that she should deploy anyway.

Here’s a sampling of their comments:

“She wasn’t trying to get out of a deployment. She had a care plan. It fell through and she needed time to figure out another one. Telling her she has to deploy on schedule and that her child will go into foster care is asinine.”
—cl-amermae

“The soldier simply asked for more time to find someone to care for her child. Who knows why the baby’s father can’t or won’t care for the child? Maybe he’s unable to or unfit. She needs to be given more time and not be charged with anything. She wasn’t trying to get out of deploying and she didn’t go AWOL. She remained at her base trying to find care for her child.

“I say give her a break. She wasn’t trying to avoid duty. She just needed a little extra time to fulfill her obligations to her child and to the Army.”
—t09w

“There are single moms (and probably dads) out there who use kids as an excuse to never deploy. I see a lot of ridiculous waivers for guys on my husband’s ship that allow them out of deployments. However, I think this case might be different. The article states that the grandma took the baby in October for two weeks and this is when she told her daughter she could not handle the situation. Up until that point, I think the daughter thought she had a care plan in place. If her commander did tell her [that her child might go into foster care], then someone needs to really look at that situation. You cannot tell a mother something like that and then expect her to just hand her kid over. I hope they really check all the facts in this one before they bring a judgment here.”
—momranhan

“This is a very sad situation. She should have never joined the military if she did not have several relatives or friends who would step up and help her during a deployment. My husband was in charge of compiling the SRP (soldiers readiness processing) plans for his unit. There had to be indications of her irresponsibility prior to this. ‘At risk’ soldiers should be identified and calls should be made well in advance of deployments to verify that the soldier has a real plan.

“The bottom line is that she has got to go. No excuses.”
—debtfreefirstofficer

“I think that the Army was wrong to force her to deploy without a proper care plan for her child. I know Brad has to fill out a mountain of paperwork and risk assessments just to take a weekend of leave, so you would think they would require the proper paperwork in this situation.

“I do, however, think that it was her responsibility to figure something out in this situation. Most deployments these days are announced far enough in advance that you can take care of stuff like this. I know that her mother said she would take care of the baby, but then later in the article she talks about her mother being ill and caring for other ill family members. Shouldn’t that have been a warning sign earlier on that she wouldn’t be able to care for the baby?”
—bradsarmybride

Compiled by Laura Motta

Do you think Hutchinson should be punished—or forced to deploy? Or do you think the Army should give her a break? Share your comments below.

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What has been the key to your success? Tell us in the comments below.

For more from “A Woman’s Nation,” click here.

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What has been the key to your success? Tell us in the comments below.

For more from “A Woman’s Nation,” click here.

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Do you find it hard to communicate with men at work? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. For more from “A Woman’s Nation,” click here.

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Do you feel like you’re always putting other people’s needs ahead of your own? For more from “A Woman’s Nation,” click here.

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Are you and your partner still “negotiating” your familial roles? For more from “A Woman’s Nation,” click here.

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To me, faith and family and totally intertwined.  It is something the family does together.  So, to “find the balance between faith and family” is a concept that doesn’t even connect for me.  They are not two things competing for limited resources, where we have to choose one over the other. — merimom96

My faith is such an important part of my life that I don’t see it as something that I have to find time for. It’s a part of who I am. Faith and practice of faith comes first in our home. Everything else is secondary.  — ma2connor

I don’t know that what I do, I would call balance, but I try to tackle the more pressing things as they come. I do feel my faith is most important. When I know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to, I don’t spend my time worrying and wondering. — harkness

Read more in our Religion Debate community and find out about how women are really keeping balance in their lives in our Woman’s Nation coverage.

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Do you find this new power struggle confusing, as the men Maria Shriver interviewed do?

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Between work, family and other obligations, do you have time for religion or spiritualism in your life? Tell us in the comments below. For more from “A Woman’s Nation” click here.

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Are you the primary breadwinner in your family? Share your experience with us in the comments below. For more from “A Woman’s Nation” click here.

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Do you and your partner struggle over who’s in charge in your home? Tell us in the comments below. For more from “A Woman’s Nation” click here.

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I think it’s a combination of (1) having more energy, (2) feeling more attractive myself (when I get a little break from housekeeping and parenting), and (3) feeling deep affection for DH when he shows through action that he loves and respects our family and our home. — penn_girl

It’s easier to focus on what’s at hand if the house is picked up, and you’re not tripping on your way to the bedroom, or thinking you have to change laundry afterward, before falling asleep so you  have clothes for the next day. — rasbet1999

When my [husband] helps more, there is less stress, resentment and fatigue on my part.  It also makes me feel more loved and more than willing to reciprocate.  — lucita2k

While I don’t consciously connect sex with housework, I am much more likely to be in the mood if the house is clean– even better if I haven’t been the one cleaning it. — geschichtsgal

Some men, though, seem to be catching on:

[My husband] swears his extra help lately is just enlightened self-interest. If I nap while he does dishes, he figures then I have more energy for… uh… other priorities. He’s a dreadful tease, but yes, I find the extra help to be a sign of love and what’s sexier than a man who adores you? — just_elsa

So obviously it’s about more than just a clean house. How has this played out in your household? Have you been able to balance the household duties as well as time for romance? Or are you just too tired after juggling it all to even think about doing anything else in the bedroom besides catching up on sleep? 

Read more of our community’s reaction: Why housework and sex are connected and find out about the real lives of women in the workplace in our Woman’s Nation coverage.

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Do you think it’s more challenging to be a stay-at-home dad?

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Do you think women have enough representation in politics?

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Are you your family’s primary breadwinner?  Share your experience with us in the comments below.

To see more from Maria Shriver’s “A Woman’s Nation” click here.

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We need for me to work full time with the economy and [my husband's] job is in sales and not doing well at all.  We are barely getting by and my hours are being cut at work from 20 hrs per week to about 12. Bad situation. So, reluctantly, we made the decision for me to go back FT.  — turkeybaster

It’s really a necessity [for me to work]. I worked full time for a few years after my first son was born. [My husband] is a teacher, so we couldn’t really pay the bills on his salary. After a few years of going green and living simply, I was able to quit my full time job and take on something part time so that I could spend more time with the kids. — cl-kellie0901

Like so many women, there were financial obligations. Not returning was never an option. — cl-ijanis51

Others feel that most women have a choice, it’s just a matter of what sacrifices they’re willing to make:

I think moms say (and feel) that they “have” to work because it assuages the guilt they feel about leaving their child in the hands of another. Well, I refuse to feel guilty for working, even though I could choose to stay at home. I wish we would all embrace our choices, stop feeling like victims of our circumstances, and, above all things, stop judging the choices of others. 

And if you really feel like you have no other choice than to work (that you need the money), I encourage you to really explore whether this is true. You may be thinking, ”If I don’t work, we can’t afford our mortgage. My kids can’t go to camp. We can’t go on vacations.” Well, this is a choice. You could choose to move into a smaller house or a cheaper city or town. You could send your kids to public school; vacation at the lake instead of the beach, give up the Starbucks, etc. Heck, even if you are a single-mom, many choose to go on welfare rather than work. I’m not advocating either way, just saying there is always a choice, although I fully acknowledge that sometimes the alternatives are really unappealing. — penn_girl

 

Another mom offers her take on the idea that choosing to work means not choosing your child:

I don’t think that desiring help with infant care while I continued working was reason enough to not have had a child, or desiring to return to work and university after [my son] is in school is indicative of me choosing myself over him. [My husband] knows that he would not be able to handle spending all day at home, so he’s never considered being a stay at home dad – yet I rarely hear dads being criticized for choosing their career over their child in the way that moms are. In our case, it isn’t about choosing anything over our child, it’s about being honest about our limitations and finding a solution that works for our family’s best interest. There are always costs and benefits to analyze, but it is possible to strike a good balance between being parents and being individuals with roles outside the home. It’s an issue that doesn’t have to be all one way or the other, but one that people can adapt to work for their family as their needs change over the years, and that’s something that the black and white debate misses out on. I think feeling that it has to be all or nothing contributes to so many families feeling stuck, rather than finding solutions and working toward them so that everyone involved benefits in some way. — indgglow

Do you believe that opting out of work is a choice for all women? Regardless of income, is having a stay-at-home parent always the best scenario? How does this play out in your own life? We’d love to hear your comments on women in the workplace and your own experiences — sound off below!

For more on how women are really balancing work, family, sex and home, visit A Woman’s Nation.   

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